First on the list, since we had been watching a lot of iCarly with the kids I wanted a smoothie. Also, Spencer is awesome. Yelp and/or Google Maps failed us on this journey and we ended up chatting while getting lost in farmfield suburbia. So instead we meandered down towards the Carmel Arts District and started the second leg of our King’s Quest.

This was probably my favorite part of the K date. We spent a large chunk of the afternoon wandering in and out of various galleries talking about the various paintings and sculptures and chatting about whatever came to mind. There are a lot of galleries in the Arts District, oddly enough, and we didn’t get to visit them all. It seems we always have something to come back to.²

As the Arts District started to close up shop, we wandered into a music store. This is where us not taking any pictures becomes important. They had a freakin’ Star Wars guitar. Star. Wars. Guitar. It was awesome. And we didn’t take any pictures, nor did I ask to play it, because I am an idiot.

Still in awe of the Star Wars guitar, we wandered a little further and hit one of our oldest child’s favorite spots: The Simply Sweet Shoppe. Here, Heather drooled over the many and varied chocolate things while I nabbed some cherry sours and (Eureka!) a strawberry smoothie. We sat and talked some more. We do that a lot on our dates.

Turns out I don’t really like strawberry smoothies.

Dinner was Mexican. I mean, we didn’t eat a Mexican. We’re not cannibals. We ate Mexican food. White cheese and margaritas and nachos and chili rellenos. Damn this is awkward. Move along.

We rounded out our “King for a Day” with a trip to a local nerd hangout, Netheads—the Internet cafe and game center. This is probably where I lost her. They’ve got rows of PC’s and various gaming consoles and a little station where they sell drink and foodstuffs. They sell Bawls. I love that stuff. I bought two. She did not drink one.

We also played a couple games. I kicked her ass at movie trivia few times, and we called it a night.³

I don’t think you’d call the date epic or awesome or amazing or any other elevated description our generation tends to apply to things, but I would say that I had fun with my wife. And I think she had fun with me too.

That’s because I rule.

¹ Not to worry. She’s gets the whole Q date later.
² This is also quite true of our marriage.
³ Seriously, the only time it was close was at the beginning when I didn’t realize the controller had to have line of sight.

When you’re in black slacks with accentuating, off-white pinstripes, everything goes according to plan.

I’ve been struggling with how to write this one up. It was big and important and quaint and cheesy all rolled into a beautiful ball, but seeing as how Heather has already written up the ‘K’ date, I need to just put aside whatever grandiose plan I was hatching and wander my way through this. Aimlessly, some might say I have a habit of doing.

First things first. We sprang for the limo. Hells yes, we did. It was lights and glamor and flashy and entirely over the top, but not in the Sylvester Stallone kind of way. I didn’t notice if people were staring, but I’m sure they were—if not for the limo, for the dork hopping into the limo with the sexy lady.

The ride seemed entirely too short. We dove into the back, got comfortable, chatted with the driver for a moment or two, snapped a couple pics of our shoes and the next thing we knew, we were meeting Elvis.

We made it to the chapel, which we were informed was across the street from the fictional chapel they built for The Hangover, and got debriefed for our wedding ceremony.

This was what it “came down to”. This was the symbolic turning point we had planned for. This was the celebration of the work we had done to rework and rebuild our marriage. This was a wonderful moment for us.

Spencer’s Vows:

At 5AM all those years ago, when I first asked you asked you to marry me, I couldn’t have imagined everything we’ve gone through. We’ve not always taken the easiest path and I often don’t know where we’re headed. But I know wherever we end up, I’ll be glad that I’m with you.

Thirteen years ago, I didn’t want to wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m proud of you, of us, and of everything we’ve done together.

I love you, and I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Heather’s Vows:

I love you, that much has never changed. As we planned this day, I thought it would be about starting over. We’ve struggled a lot over the years and I was sure a new beginning would help us reconnect. Now that we are reconnecting on our own, I don’t want a new beginning. I want it all: the beginning, the middle and straight through the end of our journey on earth. All of it is a part of who we are and the unit we’ve become. It isn’t the intertwined unit I always imagined but I like the path we’ve found a lot better. We walk side by side as two individuals, committed to actively loving the other. Thank you for giving me the freedom to learn who I am and your unconditional love as you get to know me over and over again. Now, I recommit myself to knowing and loving you. In front of God, Elvis and the Internets, I promise to support your passions, encourage your dreams and walk beside you until the end of our days.

The limo ride back was just as short as the ride there, but the novelty had worn off and we just got to enjoy each others company while we also happened to be in a limo. It was all part of the fun of the 40×40 list.

Unfortunately, not everything got to be completed in 40×40 land. Before we even left for the trip, we found out that one of my Vegas trip items was not going to be fulfilled. The roller coaster at the New York hotel was down for maintenance the entire time we were there. In reality, it was barely noticed because I had so much fun that it didn’t really matter that I didn’t accomplish everything on my list. And you know what, it just means we’ll have to go back again.

Next time Heather wants a Star Wars wedding.

Our ‘I’ alphabet date happened smack in the middle of December, which means we had to combine our date with the inevitable shopping that must be done around the holidays—what with the giving and all. To some, that would be combining business with pleasure. We just saw it as a chance to go shopping together without the three tag-alongs. Or run-abouts. Or whatever we’re calling our trio of beautiful girls these days.

We spent a couple of hours wandering around Circle Center mall and—against all odds—I bought myself nothing the entire shopping trip. We wandered and shopped and laughed and probably spent entirely too long looking for Colts stuff. That’s just what we do. We did manage to finish buying all the gifts that were needed for the Christmas celebration we were having the next morning.

By this point we were famished.

Part of the reason we keep heading downtown (besides the sheer joy of saying “we’re going downtown“) is because there are so many wondrous dining establishments we have yet to enjoy. This time we went with Weber Grill. We weren’t disappointed. The Caesar salad was delicious. I’m not sure if I was craving a salad or what, but I simply devoured it. And now, I’m pretty sure it’s blocking my memory of the main course.

I do recall that Heather had some variation of meat and potatoes. That’s a pretty safe bet for any dinner of hers, though.

We finished dinner, tipped the wonderful wait staff generously and started to make our way to Monument Circle. The Christmas lights were out in full force. And since it started to sprinkle, we stopped by the South Bend Chocolate Company for two large hot chocolates to accompany us on the final stretch of our date.

There are always things in your town that natives never seem to get around to doing because they’re always there. For us, one of those things was taking a horse-drawn carriage ride around downtown. As we walked towards the carriages, Heather picked out a nice Clydesdale that happened to have the same name as our nephew, though he was probably not named after him.

We got in the carriage and took the quiet route around downtown. By this time it was well past midnight and the rain was coming down in a steadier rhythm. This didn’t bother us, as we were already tightly snuggled under the blanket we were given.

Too soon, we were back at the Circle and the date portion of our date was over after the drive home, where we had stay up later to wrap presents for the festivities that would happen just a few short hours later.

We were too tired to notice that we’re closing in on the ½-way point our alphabet dates. Someone put wings on my clock.

Heather and I continue on with our entirely awesome alphabet dating project. We might be starting to get good at it. This particular alphabet date story is brought to you by the letter H.

It was a dark and stormy night when we stopped by a little hole-in-the-wall diner called Big Hoffa’s. It’s a BBQ joint in our hometown of Westfield. If you’re ever passing through, it’s most definitely on your itinerary. I just added it.

I wasn’t sure what I expected going into this place, but I know for damn sure it wasn’t a pirate themed restaurant. This wasn’t a bad thing. Heather loves the pirates. And the food was the bees knees. And as Leo Laporte once said, “It’s always fun to pull your own pork.”

Their catering menu gives you some background on barbecue and how it fits in with the pirate theme. ^{(See attached image.)}

We ended up doing most of our chatting for the evening there. Kids. Work. Pirates. You know, the usual. We just enjoyed each others company.

Our next stop wasn’t really conducive to conversation. This perhaps gets away from the point of alphabet dating, but it was still enjoyable. And so we rounded out the night at a downtown piano bar call Howl at the Moon. I’m not really the bar type. Or the alcohol type. Or the socializing type. But, come on—they have dual pianos. And pianists.

You have to have a lot of respect for the musicians that play in that type of environment: handling numerous requests, improvising songs, playing off or against the crowd. And above all, they seemed to really be having fun. I don’t think I’d be able to do that with some of the crap they had to play.

Seriously. Does anybody actually know the words to the Ball State fight song? Heather and I sure didn’t. And we’re alumni.

Overall, I’d say we had a fun time, even if we couldn’t talk over the slobbering drunks singing along to Elton John
and Billy Joel. We did have the whole car ride home to make up for it. Unfortunately, my car has bucket seats.

Fondue Forks For Everybody

F, the second time, was not the same as the first. We are in a much better place—not in the “we’ve died and gone to heaven” sense, but in the lovingly married sense. I would have said “wonderfully”, but I’m not on the Wheel of Fortune and you are not Pat Sajak.²

The Melting Pot was our destination for the first time, again. I suited up. She wore a little black dress. She was lovely.

We splurged for the Big Night Out. My wife, doing her thing, had a certificate for $25 off their signature dinner for two. It’s a rare thing when we can get quality seafood and steak in the same meal. Few could ever be displeased with the dessert chocolate.

Dinner and the atmosphere were great, as expected, but took second stage to spending an extravagant evening with my wife. There was something special about being alone with her amongst all the other patrons. Maybe it was “Lovers Lane”. Maybe it’s just knowing that we’re together, through it all.

Even if I leave our credit card to be locked in their safe.

Geeky Getaway

As it turns out, before our G date I hadn’t been to a concert in over five years. That’s quite a long time given the amount of recorded music I consume. Recently I had gotten way into Jonathan Coulton. His music is entertaining and funny and different from what I normally listen to. It also helps that his story is inspiring to the common cubicle dweller.³

Heather noticed my little man-crush⁴ and found out that he was going to be in Chicago on October 10^th. Then, with much twisting of the arm and other extremities, she convinced me to go. After planning and re-planning and realizing that a long-time Internet friend of Heather’s was going to be in Chicago at the same time, we decided to make an overnight date of it.

It was fast and furious, but better than a movie. We crammed much into a 24 hour trip. It was amazing the amount of fun we ended up having on a weekend I was afraid would end up being mostly about things I enjoyed. There was even a shower scene, but we’re not going to talk about that.

Things did start out a little rocky. We ended up leaving a little later than expected and ran into construction traffic after having to pull off the interstate and replace the air filter in my car. Sometime after lunch I realized I had forgotten the tickets and my wife’s medicine. There was marathon traffic in Chicago and and after we checked into the hotel we realized we forgot a few other things. That was pretty much the end of our troubles, though.

Somehow it all just seemed to glance off us. We had replacement tickets waiting for us at the box office. We picked up additional meds. Even the hour plus wait at Giordano’s was just more time to stand around chatting and enjoying each other’s company and the company of Real Life Internet People™. It was just an all around good time.

In the days before the concert, some amazing things happened. They Might Be Giants were playing in Chicago at the same time as Jonathan Coulton, and doing a Flood show to mark the 20^th anniversary of their landmark album.

Some “behind the scenes” stuff happened between Jonathan Coulton and They Might Be Giants—which probably involved grown men in dresses and vigorous Pokemon trading—and it was decided that Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm would also do a Flood show.

And so in between their own sets, they played the entire Flood album, front to back. It was magical. That is all I have to say about that.

Somewhere during the opening set, Heather fell in love with Paul and (mostly) Storm and became a bit more geeky. We don’t fault her for it.

After the show we hung out at the merchendice table, loitering until the performers came out for a brief meet and greet. We got to gush and drool and shake hands with Internet super-stars. It wasn’t enough for me to cross #5 from my list, but it was still quite enjoyable.

Before we knew it, it was time to leave not only the show, but Chicago altogether. Our weekend was over, not before, but right when we knew it. We’ll go back someday and probably get more of the world’s best gummi bears on our drive back.

Perhaps I won’t wait another twelve years before seeing Chicago again.

¹ All apologies for the cryptic nature of parts of this post.
² Seriously. Watch Wheel of Fortune. Damn near every contestant is married to someone “wonderful.”
³ You can get a sense of it from some of his interviews.
⁴ Shuddup. If you come over, I’m totally making you watch BEST. CONCERT. EVER.

It’s no secret that the past few years have been rather rough on Heather and me. Relationships are difficult. Marriages are more so. Lack of time for each other lead to a severe strain in the bond between us. We needed to do something to make time for ourselves and our marriage.

It turns out, we’re both big on lists. She has one. I have one. Mine is bigger.

Our answer was to make the time we needed, doing our best to shun everything else during the time we’re together. So we planned “Alphabet Dating”. The concept is very simple: We plan 26 dates, one for each letter of the alphabet. The activities of each date are (sometimes loosely) based on the letter that sponsors that evening’s letter. The act of planning keeps our need in the forefront of our relationship. This is quite helpful. It’s entirely too easy to be distracted by other things that “need” to be done, like mowing the lawn.

Our version of “Alphabet Dating” doesn’t have a large number of rules. Start with date ‘A’, end with date ‘Z’ and date for all the letters in between. Dinner and a movie do not count, unless it is only a small part of the overall plan. The reasoning for this is that there is no real line of communication open during a movie—even one as funny as The Hangover. The point of making time for one another is to build and maintain an open connection. It’s a 2-way handshake. ACK

A Quick Pictorial Summary

A — Athletics, Indiana Pacers

B — Beef & Boards

C — The Children’s Museum

D — Downtown Indianapolis

Currently, & Looking Ahead

Yesterday we had a short, but very fun, “E” date. It seemed short, anyway. I suppose we were out for about three hours or so. I would have loved to have gone a couple hours more. The theme was “Exploring”. We walked up and down the Monon Trail of Carmel, trying our hands at geocaching. I think we had a good enough time to choose our own adventure again for the “H” date.

We found two caches and walked a fair bit, though I forgot my pedometer and couldn’t track the exact steps. Both caches found were traditional in the sense that you use a GPS device to go directly to the coordinates given. Next time, Heather would like to search for some that are puzzle solving in nature. We really think our kids would also love this as a hobby and plan on taking them out, hopefully sometime soon. Some would say that we are dorky that way. Some would be right.

The next couple of weeks will see both our “F” and “G” dates. We’ve got a romantic evening planned at The Melting Pot for our “F” date, which will have to include a fedora, followed by a trip to Chicago to see Jonathan Coulton in concert for our “G” date.

We’re moving right along now and we’re having quite a bit of fun just doing things together. As long as we keep the pace up, I dare say this little project is working as we hoped. We’re in a better place, we’re loving it, and loving each other.